Ze Germans are Coming: Proofs of a Conspiracy...pp.30-37

Last week Robison discussed the dangerous idea of separating the state from religion while pointing out the exact reason that it needs to be done. He's done with that idea, and it seems to me that he needs a better editor. In the current book that I am writing, I have chapter breaks where I think they belong, but there are probably other places as well. Maybe for length, but then again, maybe just for the abrupt shift in the discussion. This chapter is supposed to be about schisms within Freemasonry and we've kind of get that, but it's mostly an old versus the young neophobic complaint. There hasn't been a schism.

Now, Robison lays out his love for the German people and Germany itself...except Germany isn't unified at this point in history. There aren't "Germans" there are "Bavarians" and there are "Prussians" but there aren't Germans. As Machiavelli would argue; despite the political lines, there is a common language that unites a large group of people and these are what he would call "Germans." Three hundred years prior, he argued the same thing about "Italians." The Germans, are conspicuous in their hospitality and the German character is "the very opposite of frivolity. It tends to seriousness, and requires serious occupation. The Germans are eminent for their turn for investigation; and perhaps they indulge this to excess. We call them plodding and dull, because we have little relish for enquiry for its own sake. But this is surely the occupation of a rational nature, and deserves any name but stupidity."

As someone who has read two different epochs of German philosophy, yes, this is true. Ever try and sit down to read Kant's (a contemporary of Robison) for fun? It cannot be done. It's German, which means it is slow, technical, methodical, and overwrought. So how does this relate here? German architects and Masons needed a club. The problem is that within the German character for inquiry for its own sake, they are driven towards "every thing that is wonderful, or solemn, or terrible;...the Germans have been generally in the foremost ranks, the gross absurdities of magic, exorcism, witchcraft, fortune-telling, transmutation of metals, and universal medicine,"

Here's the fun part: Robison employs his rational mind against these types of things. Yes, magic isn't real, nor is any of the other stuff; but he's going to use his scientific mind to argue that while the Germans are foolish for buying into this stuff he's going to make a more significant point about how all Masons are engaged in a global conspiracy to topple Europe's kingdoms. Proper skeptic this one. I shouldn't get too hard on the guy because he's yet to make his argument...thirty pages in. 

I mentioned Robison's real problem before: it's neophobia. He hates the new, even in an organization that he will admit he was never that into in the first place. In Germany, because of their racial disposition (remember back in these days "German" was a race) towards the ceremony and the mystical arts were ripe fields for those like the Rosicrucians with their mysteries to infiltrate. I've mentioned the Rosicrucians before, and it's hard to even establish that they were nothing more than the wishful thinking of some anonymous group of intellectuals at the beginning. By the time of Robison's writing numerous other Rosicrucian groups had formed, but they were just following the zeitgeist of Europe in the 18th century with their adoption of a rational/mystical worldview. The German Masons apparently adopted this idea wholeheartedly. The French did so because they love pomp and ceremony while the Germans love mystery. I have a fear that we are just moving through Europe on this. 

Robison then moves on to explain what happened in Germany. A German, Baron Hunde, traveled to Paris and became friends with the Earl of Kilmarnock, and other supporters of "The Pretender," (James Stuart, the Jacobite King of Scotland and England) and was told that the French Masons had a secret in their lodges. This is very interesting, so let's play along for a bit. Hunde joined the Masons and brought their secret to Germany where he briefly formed his own group. Now, he fails at this because (Robison assumes) "the Pretender" never regains the throne--which is why we call him the Pretender. 

The secret is interesting. According to Robison the secret concerns...I'm giddy with excitement...the goddamn Knights Templar. This is some Dan Brown shit, and I wonder if this book is where it all comes from. The secret is that when Philip the Fair, and his puppet Pope Innocent; issued the bull which mandated the arrest, exorcism, and execution of the Knights Templar--all because Philip needed money to conduct his wars against Spain and England. The Scottish Templars and those that could flee to Scotland hid in caves. These refugees were the original Masons, and every true Mason was, in actuality, a Templar Knight. 

How could this not appeal to Baron Hunde? It's simply an amazing piece of bullshit, but it's fun bullshit. You're not some cosplaying weirdo that is sucking up to a guy trying to seize the throne of England...you're a Knight of the Temple, a defender of the road from Europe to the Holy Land, a seasoned soldier of the Crusades; we will be needing those dues upfront though. 

Germany has always been the bastion for this kind of pretending, according to Robison. The Templar lie spread through the lodges and in came the shysters, the liars, and the con-artists. These people all pretended to have more and more secrets, they were experts at nothing. If you lived through the Satanic Panic in the 80s, you are aware of these liars. Experts on Satanic ritual murder were everywhere because it's easy to be an expert on something you are just making up. 

The problem for believers in this "history" is that those caves in Scotland really exist and those Scottish lodges as well. So when people claimed that the Scottish Templar-Masons had secret alchemy rituals and other magical abilities, these could be inquired about. Eventually (and Robison goes through three pages of infighting between people I do not care about), someone says, "Let's go ask those scotch drinking haggis eaters." 

A Dr. Stark sent some ambassadors to Aberdeen to find the caves and the treasures/secrets within. The result was that the Masons in Aberdeen had no idea what anyone was talking about. The secrets were also located in Florence, Italy; but again, the Masons there were clueless. It's important to note that in both cases it wasn't that Scots/Florentines responded with, "Oh, that's some stupid rumor that got passed around in Germany." Their response was utter bafflement. They were utterly clueless because this was a straight-up lie. One of the conmen, Mr. Watcher, who was claiming that he could transmute metals to gold simply shrugged and disappeared having become a rich man due to selling the secrets and the promise of free gold. 

It's interesting that Robison is revealing all of this while offering a sober and skeptical view of the madness that can take otherwise intelligent men during a craze. I'm still waiting for the shoe to drop, because other than the neophobia--I'm not disliking this book.