Initiation Ceremonies: The Satan Seller pp. 22-28

One movie/television trope that I despise is when the villain in the story is needlessly evil. I don’t mean that they torture someone for the sake of torturing, but when they are over the top evil to the point where they use “evil” synonyms or they only eat “devilled eggs.” Dean Anderson, Mike’s recruiter is an example of this: “You’ve been a good slave, Mike.”

Warnke isn’t a slave and nothing that Warnke has told us should lead us to think that he even thought that. Warnke has been getting paid for his services, sometimes in cash and other times in drugs; but he’s not a slave by any means. Warnke just adds this bit because Anderson is evil so he can’t just say “you’ve been doing good Mike.”

Anderson reveals that he’s a “Master Counselor,” which is sounds like some assistant regional manager type bullshit. Anderson tells him he’s about to get into the inner circle. The real inner circle, not the fake one that he was inducted into last week. He gets a robe (we’re slowly wading into stereotype territory now) and they walked into a large room with a 9 foot in diameter circle. In the center was a large granite slab held up by two saw horses upon which is a naked woman.

This whole set up is hilarious to me, a slab of granite capable of holding a human would have to be about 6 foot by two foot, this would cost about 2 grand US today. It would be terrible heavy as well, but it would look nice. Then they have it held up by two saw horses? The problem with this kind of Satanism is that they don’t have a good eye for aesthetics. If you’re going to use the sawhorses, put a black or red cloth over them. It only takes a second to make it look nice.

We get our first description of a black mass, and all I can say is “lame.” As a narrative point Warnke should not describe the “black mass” as such. He should say it was a strange religious ceremony that is kind of familiar because of his Catholic instruction, but everything was strange. This is just bad writing, “All the traditional rituals were reversed and deliberately profaned. The sacraments were desecrated. Blasphemies took the place of prayers.” Ok, fine; but lacking specifics it just comes across as blasé.

They read from a book called “The Great Mother” which Warnke attributes to the words of Satan. Unless they mean a different book, the only version I can find is a book on the “Mother” archetype in various societies throughout the world. I’m not sure why this book would have the words of Satan in it, given that Satan isn’t a woman.

Their incense which is made from belladonna—a poison but Warnke tells him that the purpose of the fumes is to put you in a state of mindlessness. My hypothesis is that Warnke is using “belladonna” because it’s a well-known poison with a cool name. However, this is incredibly risky because the hallucinogenic effect of the smoke is outweighed by the severe toxicity of the fumes themselves.

The ceremony has an airing of grievances and some guy volunteers that a man has discovered their group and is writing to the FBI, Congress, and the Police about it. The group decides to hex him and Anderson commands, “As I will so mote it be.”

“Mote”? what is this use of the word “mote” when the word “must” already exists and fits much better. I figured that this must (mote) be a typo but Anderson uses the exact word in this way a few more times in the book. If I ever meet Mike Warnke, this is what I’m asking him about.

They hex this person who is eventually given a name, “Joe Evans McMillikin.” After the ceremony an impressed Mike asks to join this inner circle; but we are left wondering what happened to McMillikin. It’s all well and good to “hex someone” but follow up a bit. Did Joe meet a bad end? Was one side of his pillow forever slightly warmer than the other side?  Unless we get an answer this was just a bunch of words.

Mike has to wait three weeks because he can only be indoctrinated under a full moon and Dean Anderson ghosts him. I have to give credit where it’s due, the three pages (one and a half on the pdf) where he describes his impatience and anxiety is well done. He accurately conveys stir craziness with impatience and so far is the best writing in the book.

For example, Warnke is trying to pass the time by getting drunk and shaking his fist at the moon. It’s all very dorky, but he’s just trying to pass the time until he can be indoctrinated. We also get an accidental confession that Mike is a shitty person. His landlord asks him to come inside for a drink, probably because his tenant is acting like a crazy person who is drunk and arguing with the moon, and Mike tells us that he wants nothing to do with that “fag.”

Finally it’s the day and Mike drives to the barn where a “tall, slim man in a business suit” greets him and pats him on the head like a dog. Mike is enraged because he views this person as a rival, even though we know absolutely nothing about this man except that he is very condescending toward Mike. Ladies to Gentleman I think we have just met the hero of our story.

Mike is ordered to strip in front of “guys and chicks.” I hate that he constantly refers to women as “chicks”—I know this is a 60s thing, but change it up a little bit.

He gets a necklace which is a “three inch long pendant with an elongated silver scorpion, my Zodiac sign” and “a large silver ring which carried the symbol of left hand, palm forward, with a pentagram and crescent in the hand’s center.”

What a dork. This is the kind of jewelry even goth kids at Spencer’s would scoff at. I guess this kind of accessorizing was new at the time but it comes across as being so lame now. Mike is then told to sign “the book” in blood, “so mote it be.” He is cut on the arm and uses a quill to write his name. This is another trope, but I guess the trope has to enter the mainstream somewhere.

Interestingly we are then told that the book has names in two colors: red and green. We are then told of literal magic. The names in green are those that “copped out.” Originally red, but their betrayal turns it green. Ok, so actual magic in the signing of the name. Weird, but all I can think of is that “copped out” is a funny term when things made of copper turn green.

“Well, I had just dedicated my soul to Satan…I licked my lips.”

Again, he’s only writing like this because it needs to be over the top evil. He didn’t just sell his soul, he liked it. He’s entering his villain era or whatever. It’s supposed to be threatening and ominous, but it just reads as silly.